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un”TIE”d for Humanity

un”TIE”d for Humanity

by | Sep 3, 2024 | Communication, Compassion, Empathy, Harmony, Joy, Zen

3 September 2024 at Manthari.

Way back in 2012, I had a wonderful opportunity to travel on work to Joburg, South Africa twice in two months.  Those travels are etched in mind for many reasons. I travelled to Joburg shortly after South Africa Police Force opened fire on protesting workers who were striking for wage rise and killing many.  It became has become notorious as Marikana Massacre.  The Rose bank square which was very close to the Hotel in which I had stayed, was a wonderful place, where many amateur but superb groups performed during weekends.  I still remember the performance by a young group from the ghettos of Soweto.  That year I was lapping up books on Adamson’s (Joy and George) and Lawrence Antony the famous conservationist who wrote that wonderful book The elephant whisperer.  Last but not the least, for the friendship of Terrence of Terrie’s taxi.  Kaushik Sanyal, who was my manager then at Wipro Consulting and who had been Joburg before, told me, Joburg is a crime ridden place and best way to be safe and secure is to go with Terrie. Terrie was a wonderful person.  The moment he understood I am from South India, he put the Tamil FM radio as he drove me from Airport to the hotel. The way he used to connect with his customers is really a masterclass. ( I am still connected with Terrie in Facebook and still we wish each other on our birthdays after some 12 years! The same with my ex-Boss Kaushik Sanyal who is a dear friend whom I have not met for many many years  )  That time the only leader from SA I knew of was Nelson Mandela. But Terrie spoke mostly about Desmond Tutu.  As i read further, i understood while Nelson Mandela was the key figure head in the fight against apartheid, Desmond Tutu was the soul of South Africa.  Because Tutu, did not stop his fight for humanity even after apartheid was abolished in RSA. He continued to voice and act for the betterment of the oppressed across the world in his own compassionate way. 

A few more years earlier than that, I worked in a major bellwether IT company in Bangalore. They were the poster boys of Indian IT world. They had kind of Disney world type campus in Blr and they took the upkeep of that campus a lot more seriously. Almost at any point of time, one could see housekeeping staff keep cleaning and looking for that invisible dirt on the walkways. I meant Disney world because, they had all strange looking glass buildings in that campus. 

Another aspect of that life was Tie culture. They took it very seriously.  Weekly two days, tying up tie was compulsory.   Then HR head thought that is the only way one can be professional by tying one down. Security guards were instructed to note down the male employees who violate that Tie Code and employees were fined. Rs 200 which was automatically deducted from salary. To be fair, that tie code and rule was applicable to all.  Top to bottom.  I always had an allergy to anything that ties me down and I always tried to avoid wearing one.

 It was my habit from early days in Wipro to wish and connect with our guards and receptionist and the boy who used to make tea and serves us at M.G.Road office. (there was a legendary story,   that Tea Master was so famous for his tea, when Mindtree had opened their first building in Banashankari , Ashok Soota ensured he too joined their pantry.  Once those days, when Kalyan Kumar Banerjee their HR head, invited us to their office to initiate a Toastmaster club, I did meet him there.)

 Probably I learnt to treat others well and with courtesy, regardless of their position, from one of my early bosses at Wipro, Bala who headed the IBM UK account. And Bala led a small team to Germany for a pilot project and I was one of those fabulous 4 selected for that trip.  Bala had a way of connecting across the hierarchy and he treated everyone with the same care and compassion. Maybe that is one the reason, I still stay connected with him and I do call occasionally. Regardless of whether he is in Blr or London, he does answer the call and still talks to me in the same manner.  (Incidentally when I landed with him for that project in Ludwigsburg I did not how to tie a tie and he taught me.  He also taught us PL/1 a programming language in Mainframe which was the mainstay of our client’s programs.)

  That habit of being in touch continued at that “company” as well. And they never noted my employee id and I never got fined. That ended up an issue in another way for me.  My then Boss there, who usually do dress up very prim and proper, got fined once and as he shared that, a teammate pointed out me never wearing one. When asked, in my utter foolishness, very euphorically I shared my secret. Everyone else in that meeting room had a hearty laugh.  But later I realized that was the start of my trouble there. 

 Today there was good incident as I walked into work early morning. Which I had shared with my Dear and Near group.  I do have a small group of dear and near in WhatsApp, where I keep sharing my life. I just would like to share verbatim…

“Good morning 🌞 Welcome flower 🌸 at  Wipro Corp office …

A few months back, I was allocated the work of cleaning meditation hall and flower arrangement at Zendo. Cleaning was easy, but flower arrangements! So, I wanted to from Surya, a Korean national and longtime resident of Auroville. She is too good at calligraphy and ikebana!  It was very wonderful… and ikebana is almost meditative.  So, when I saw the same pattern at Wipro front office, once  I walked in, I wrote a small note and asked the receptionist to handover to the person who is coming in to do this every other day … and isn’t it wonderful to see as you enter workplace … now Thara and me do at home as well. And every ikebana is beautiful as every flower in this world. nothing is better than other things. S/he seems to have replied with that arrangement. Btw the receptionist told me, she was working there as a receptionist for many years and this is the first time someone leaving a note of appreciation for the person who does that 😄

We with our discriminating judgement mind, value one and devalue another …  And what difference does it make whether it is a Billionaire or someone who does a ikebana arrangement for making living!

 Btw you won’t believe it . The flower arrangement is done by a young housekeeping staff . Bhagya Lakshmi. Today receptionist introduced me to her she thanked me for my note of appreciation 😄😄😄

 As saying goes there are things in life money can’t buy, for the rest of the things there is Master card.”

 All of us would have read that, Chicken soup for the soul story about a college professor giving his class a quiz.  And the last question of the test was “what is the name of the woman who cleans your classroom?”.   When a student asked the Prof, whether the last question would count toward the quiz grade.

“Absolutely,” said the professor. “In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say “hello”.

I would change that Career word to Life.  In Life, we will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care.  

Desmond Tutu once said   “My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together”.

 There are a lot of layers of meaning and spiritual essence in that one quote. It is almost like a Zen Koan “The Sound of one hand clapping “.

 

On Zen and d(th)e motivation.

On Zen and d(th)e motivation.

by | Aug 22, 2024 | Change, Compassion, Empathy, Harmony, Meditation, Zen

Recently I slipped on a water puddle and fell into a book writing project. Though I am a bibliophile and has idols such as O.V. Vijayan and Kamaladas over and above MS Dhoni in my list, really did not want to belong to any “Class” after I noticed that almost every one out there in LinkedIn are either an Author or an Influencer or Both.  I would be the first one to acknowledge that I am neither.

  I did not change my mind as I was getting up, for two reasons. 

Minor reason:  one of few things I really love in this world is to sit at my desk without really doing NOTHING. I want to reemphasize the word NOTHING.   Then comes Zazen, reading, and writing comes a close third in my list. NOTHING (Mu) is beyond the list in general and this phenomenal world in particular.

Major reason:  The person with whom I am working on this project is really an interesting person. While he lets his achievements (Religious, Artistic, Diplomatic and social service) sit lightly on him, his amiable nature and humility weighs quite heavily and ensures that he has his feet firmly on the ground. 

We decided to write on what else,   The Hitchhiker’s guide to Zen, demotivation and motivation.

 I struggled as usual in Dante’s hell of indecision and made very little progress over the next 3 – 4 months.     As I really started to living up to one of my  lowest scored traits  as per  Harrison Assessment (The tendency to eager and excited towards one’s own goals).  A distance relative of mine who was musician passed away.  I am not a great fan classical music. Am kind of tone deaf. But it triggered my memories about one of the best books I had read it during the Xmas and new year vacation of 1998 while  I was living  in  West Haven,  Connecticut.  The place I was working (Fairfield) is quite close to Sandy hook where the notorious massacre happened. Music of Light, the book was about Hikari Oe.  Hikari was the eldest son of Kenzaburo Oe, the noble prize-winning Japanese author. He was literally a “monster baby” with more than half of his brain spilling out.  The doctors advised Oe to let the new born die. The complex operation to remove the protruding brain had very little chance of success.  Even if the baby survives, it will be a tough life for the survivor. The future was quite daunting with the social stigma post war torn Japanese society gifts to disabled Japanese.

The baby was still alive and kicking when Oe came back from a writing assignment from Hirsohima. The attitude of the victims of   atomic bomb who had every reason to kill themselves but bravely wanted to live on, ashamed him. Oe demotivated himself from the thoughts of passive death of his son, fear, self-doubt and bondage and decided on operation, life and freedom.  The Doctors removed the protruding brain and with it went 70 % of the vision and ability to speak. In fact, Hikari seemed to be unaware of the world around him. The first voice  the  boy  responded to was that of a chirping bird.

At the age of 6, Hikari spoke to his father while the two of them were in the woods. Let me quote from the book.

“That is a water rail,” said Hikari. When Oe reported the incident to the family physician, he told Oe that many retarded children were skilled mimics and could repeat complex sounds and messages without any understanding of what they were saying. Undaunted, Oe and his wife began to play music for Hikari. The results were astonishing. Not only could Hikari recognize individual compositions, but also he began to request favorite works. “Play Chopin!” he would say, or even, “Play the second movement of Beethoven’s Third Symphony.” Hikari spent his days lying at his father’s feet, listening to classical music.

Then, he began to draw lines on paper and tell his father that he was writing music. The doting father employed a tutor who taught Hikari the musical scale, and Hikari’s music began to resemble “real music.” Then, the inevitable happened. A musician took the boy’s music home and ... played it! At the time Hikari attended a sheltered workshop where he assembled clothes pens. (He wasn’t very good at it.) Again, the verdict was predictable. Hikari was mimicking music that he had heard, said the doctors. Certainly he was not ... composing! But he was.

After countless evaluations, and at the urging of his musical friends, Oe decided to have a recording made of his son’s music. Concerned that the recording would be a financial disaster, Oe offered to buy 200 copies of the CD, “The Music of Hikari Oe.” However, upon the release of the CD, it immediately became a “best seller.” Till now, the CD has sold over 1 million copies and has now reached the United States. A second CD has been completed. The music is described as “pure, innocent, and painfully beautiful.”

But then this article is not about Hikari. But about demotivation. While Kenzaburo, could demotivate the “manimal” (man + animal) attitude, the killer of Sandy book or that rapist in Kolkata Medical college could not. Neither the “animals” of Kolkata.  It is quite a misnomer to term cruel behavior we exhibit as animalistic and considerate ones as humane. It is true that human race started the race towards civilization and cultured behavior over mere a few thousands of years, animals were there on Mother Earth for millions of years.  While animals by their instinct fight for their food, lives and territory, it is the thinking  part of the brain of  man which has made him  brutal, cruel and insensitive.

Most of what we know our brain has been learnt over the research of last couple of decades. It is important to understand that age of your brain much much beyond your physical age. And it is not just created in 8-9 months in our mother’s womb. Each one of us inherit the evolution of the brain for thousands of years from the first human couple in Ethiopia, Africa. Or maybe even beyond them.  Many programs in our brain are kind of hardwired from the nature. Through Nurture to some extent, we reprogram it.  We are all born with a great list of endowments of traits. Also, not so great traits. The current model of the brain, the scientific world proposes is that of modular brain. Neuroscientist seems to be moving away from the triune model of the brain.  To put in simplistic terms. many of the programs in our brain, which runs us, maps across different regions of brain. It is very possible that two programs absolutely in conflict with each other fighting it out to get it through the command center of action, reaction and response.

It is also interesting to note that the new model, is in tune with, what. Buddha had tried to teach us about our mind. The fact that thoughts think us and it is not the other way, is a humbling learning for our Egos.

Probably all the gods, systems and tools our ancestors have invented was for the demotivating part of our brain so that to slow down the process, so that we respond with some amount of agency and we fit in this society and some amount of harmony exists.  

When I joined as a student of. MA Education program at Azim Premji Uty, Bangalore, we had a maverick professor (in fact many of them!)  named Dr. Kaustav Roy. (Will write later about him. At the least he is a subject for 2- 3 blogs!). What. Kaustav Roy used to do is name his courses, in such a way that, the Academic body in the Uty approves the course. He would add a text written by R. D Laing or Heidegger as one of the readings. But in the class, all the focus would be Laing or Heidegger. So we ended up learning about Phenomenology, Hermeneutics and Psychology of R D Laing etc. One such text was that of R >d Laing’s.  “The politics of experience and the bids of paradise”.   R. D. Laing was another maverick Scottish psychiatrist. Some of his quotes are so etched in my mind, I can even recite them in my deep sleep.

    Coming back to Laing and his famous quote , a good man is aware of the bad in him and able to demotivate and neutralize that part , while  a bad man is not even aware of it.  It is in demotivating and eliminating the bad, the good survives.  He further elaborates in another quote ““The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change; until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds.”

    While the prescription comes from the “Scientific” world of Laings, Medicine is only available with the likes of Buddha, the venerated one.  By the way, we Zenists venerate Buddha not because he is God, he is one of the ultimate teachers ever lived.

    While all other religious paths, suggest worship and meditation etc. as way of salvation etc., Buddha just focuses on our everyday life in this earth. Moment to moment.  He conspicuously was silent our times before our birth of after our death. He was mostly concerned about how we live in this earth between those tow milestones.  My limited readings suggest to me that he was not much into the metaphysics of it.   Buddhists Meditation practices in general focusses on our mind and body.  Vipassana, Zazen, Shikantaza, Kinhin etc. trains us to  “notice when we fail to notice”.

    Almost every one of us would have read the quote of Viktor Frankl (which became viral from Stephen Covey’s book The. 7 Habits…).  “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our power and freedom to choose our response. IN those responses lie our freedom and happiness.”

    Meditation is one of the ways, I know of, to create that space.

    While, as usual, citizens across India are raging for the harshest punishment (Hang till death) to that rapist and murderer of that Doctor, It is worthwhile consider we encourage our children, dear and near and others in our circle to meditate.  

    Am no way suggesting to do away with law and justice system.  Still after Meditation, may be the way they choose to meditate or not meditate, did not help them to create that space between their ears, that could be an option.

    But not trying the greatest gift this nation had given to the mankind, before that ultimate act, is an act of crime in itself.   

    And we got to try it out not just on Sanjoy Roys of this world… But BrijBhushans, Asarams, Strauss-Kahns, many Heroes of Malayalam movie industries, those Teachers who are charged with rape and/or molesting their students, Corp leaders who abuse/ill-treat their subordinates…

    the list is endless! Like Mu!  It includes Man Kind. Woman kind too.

      Toothache of the Mind : Suffering of the Suffering !

      Toothache of the Mind : Suffering of the Suffering !

      by | Aug 18, 2024 | Compassion, Empathy, Grief, Harmony, Peace, Uncategorized, Zen

      A long time back, during November 2006, my father Sankara was an inmate of SICU (Surgical ICU)  of  Fortis Hospital, Bannerghatta Road ( Then Wockhardt ) for four days.  SICU is a place, where patients who have undergone surgery are kept immediately after their surgery.  Some come back to life though the route of ICU, Normal ward, then back to home and their life. And some decides to end their suffering. My father chose the second option. There were around 12 – 14 beds in that SICU, if my fading memories are right.  My fathers’ bed was in a corner of that big hall. And it was short walk from the entrance, during the visit hours.  Outside the hall, in a notice board, they had displayed the name of the patient, age and the Dr who had led the surgery.  There was an infant too at that place at that time.  I had forgotten her name, but her age was just 3 months.  And she too was taken care by Dr. Vivek Jawali. the Heart surgeon who had operated my father.

       Once, when I was meeting him to enquire about my father, I had asked him about that baby girl. My question was, isn’t it too difficult to do a surgery, that too a major one on the body of a tiny tot. His reply kind of surprised me and that stayed on my mind.

       He said, “On the contrary, babies cry only when they have a real physical pain or in need of something essential for their survival. Like when they are hungry or thirsty or they are in some physical discomfort. It can be taken care quite easily.  And when we grow up and become adults, we cry for everything in this world. Real or imaginary.  Physical or Mental. And it becomes more difficult. “

       I did understand what he said to an extent. After some 18 years of living, not living, try to read a bit of philosophy, Buddhism and practicing Zen, it was interesting to reflect on what he said.

       His saying sounds so sage like now.

       

      Budha’s first teaching at Sarnath. Which is termed as Four Noble Truths, has this word Suffering in all of them.  As per his followers, Buddha is said to have said the word. Dukkha.  Though many translate the word Dukkha as suffering, I would reckon, unsatisfactoriness is a closer translation.  The Pali word dukkha, usually translated as “suffering,” has a more subtle range of meanings. Oriental traditions and thoughts are much more nuanced than the Occidental ones.  Many a times, much is lost in translation.  It’s also sometimes described metaphorically as a wheel that is off its axle.

       

      It is important to keep in mind that traditional and “Conservative” Buddhists ascribe everything in the Tripitaka to Buddha himself, many Buddhist scholars have identified many inconsistencies in those teaching. AS in anything in life, the generations who had passed it to their descendants, would have done some “Value” addition to them.

       

      Zen Master AMA always reminds us to treat them critically.  And I for one, as a Zen student, only swear by. Kalama Sutra.  May be that is how a rebellious and questioning mind reached the gateless gate of Zen, AMA Samy and Bodhi Sangha.  Just a few months back, seeing my overzealousness in devouring the books on Zen and Philosophy, AMA also told me , “One Should not be attached too much even to Zen and self-realization . That too would be un-Zen like. “    . May be people like Nagarjuna lived that way and the result was Mahayana Buddhism and Zen.  When the Camel of Buddhism was made to pass though the needle hole of one of the greatest rationalist mind ever lived, the result was Madhyamika Karaka.  It is not for nothing someone like Jan WesterHoff, a noted authority on the religious traditions of the Orient,  had named Nagarjuna as one of the greatest philosophers and rationalists ever lived. While Mahayana Buddhists call him as the Second Budha, for Zenists , he is the first one. 

      Coming back to toothache of the mind, there are 3 types of Dukkha as per Buddhist teaching.  Dukkha -dukkha which means the suffering of suffering.  Viparinama Dukkha, the suffering of change and Sankhara Dukkha, the suffering of existence.

      Tooth ache of the mind belongs to the first one.  The suffering of suffering.  The real toothache which afflicts one’s body  is curable and may end as the wheel of life rolls on.  But it is difficult to cure the tooth ache of the mind. Have you ever observed patients waiting for their turn at a Dentist place. One suffers a lot more than necessary when one does not know how to suffer.  It is our mind which makes a probable fleeting pain of moment in the future to an eternal one in our mind from the present moment onwards..

      It is no different in other avenues of our life.  When we were Engineering students, we “suffered” for looking for a job.  And when we landed in a good job, again we “suffered” due to the long work hours, a demanding boss or client, or even due to a colleague who managed to negotiate a better pay packet than you or who received a restricted stock units.  We “suffer” when we don’t have a car. And when we have one, we again suffer, imagining about the possible traffic block at Hebbal flyover or Silk board Junction.

      While Buddha’s noble eight fold path talks about ending of suffering and the path to Nibbana,  I tend to think, some suffering of existence (Sankhara Dukkha) is  real and alive for many of us ordinary humans.  As Thich Nhat Hanh said, “If we learn to suffer well, we suffer less from suffering.”

      How do we learn to. Suffer?  How do we build those mental muscles and develop mental resilience??

      Stoic way is one of the ways. But I found it very dry and robot like.  They teach you to anticipate what is going to happen and prepare you for it.  Like a vaccination dose.

      In my humble view, Orientalist practices are better.

      First, accepting reality as it is.  Accepting reality as it is or seeing the world with a clear mind.  Realizing that life is what happens to you when you have other plans. When one gets Tinnitus (like ME!), and one learns that there is no CURE for it, one suffers only when refuses to accept that fact of life.  Just a few years back, I landed in deep depression due to Tinnitus.  Everything (Friends, motivation talks, Psychiatrist, medicines )  helped me to an extent.  What really helped me was when I started meditating on it. 

      My psychiatrist, when I met him for the first time during my depression days, did not rush to prescribe medicines.  He told me no one can with stand perfect silence.  The max time one could stay in an anechoic chamber (the quietest place in the world) are just a few minutes.  Let me quote from an article from Smithsonian , which I treasure in Evernote library , “ Everybody seems to be looking for a little peace and quiet these days. But even such a reasonable idea can go too far. The quietest place on Earth, an anechoic chamber at Orfield Laboratories in Minnesota, is so eerily noiseless that visitors have used it to see how long they can stand the sound of their own bodies. Inside the room, it’s silent—so silent that the background noise is measured in negative decibels, meaning it’s below the threshold of human hearing.  With no audible background noise to cover it up, visitors report hearing the sound of blood pumping in their heads or moving through their veins, according to Caity Weaver of the New York Times Magazine. Or, as Casey Darnell writes for the Star Tribune, you can even hear the sound of your eyelids shutting upon blinking. With no audible background noise to cover it up, visitors report hearing the sound of blood pumping in their heads or moving through their veins, according to Caity Weaver of the New York Times Magazine. Or, as Casey Darnell writes for the Star Tribune, you can even hear the sound of your eyelids shutting upon blinking.”

      For those who would have done Vipassana, one start feeling those sensations in one’s body,  one start hearing the voice of your cells , in 7th or 8th day, as one goes deeper into oneself.  So we are in a sense oriented towards it. But not for anechoic chamber.

      When you meditate on Tinnitus one realizes that it is not one flat ghost noise in your mind.  There are finer nuances to it. It changes tunes and rhythms. And it almost becomes musical. One realizes that. Tinnitus is not different from you. You are Tinnitus.  Once we reach there, it recedes to one far corner in the vast galaxy of our brain. And when you start mediating on Tinnitus, instead of fighting it our, yearning for no tinnitus sound every moment of one’s waking life, the aha moment comes. Silence of the mind is different from the silence of sound.  Even in the top of Himalayas , one can get troubled by the silence , while right in the midst of silk board flyover traffic jam, with horns blaring, once can be at peace with himself.

      Accepting life as it happens to you at any moment is the first lesson on how to suffer and master suffering.

      While there is a famous saying , “What you resist, persists”, It is important to understand acceptance is not blind acceptance of learned helplessness. No way.  It is just being aware of life as it occurs to you, seeing reality as it is.   We need to remember that every border line that we draw between our experiences and us are also possible battlelines as well.   It is in that choiceless  awareness, your suffering becomes extinguished.

      And the second step is of living a life of gratitude.  It is about being thankful of non-toothache, while you are done with your stint with your toothache.   While we have a tooth ache or migraine, all we want is a state of non-tooth ache or no-migraine.  But do we every say to ourselves, what a nice day / moment. No tooth-aches!  It is not just some heartwarming Chicken soup for the soup stuff !

      In a scientific study conducted by Scott Barry Kauffman , says ,   Gratitude is the most predictive factor of one’s wellbeing.  And love of learning comes second.  Every other traits / character strengths are distance third to last.

      I read that article in Scientific American , almost 3 years after I started journaling 3 Good things in my life every day.  (Thanks to Dr. Martin Seligman). And it did turn around my life. That is another blog for the future .:-)

      So counting our blessings, seeing silver lines in dark clouds, being happy when we get a plate of simple idly vada or a hot cup of. South Indian filter coffee, a smile from a loved one, an affectionate bark from  Jackie Mu, an act of kindness ess and compassion from a stranger, the list can go one that the required. 3 blessings for a day.

      It is so simple, easy and straightforward. But when we are gratitude for non-toothaches and no-migraines,  it kind of lessens our suffering , when suffering of Sankhara does knocks our doors of our mind.

      Mountain, desert and metaphors for change !

      Mountain, desert and metaphors for change !

      by | Aug 11, 2024 | Change, Empathy, Harmony, Transformation, Uncategorized

      “How big is the top of Mount Everest?”

      “About the size of a small kitchen table,” he responded.

      “That is amazing,” I said, “You know, when you cross the Sahara Desert, there is no way of knowing where the desert ends. There is no peak, no border, no sign that says, “You are Now leaving the Sahara Desert – Have a nice Day!”

      • From Steve Donahue’s. Shifting Sands.

       Not only metaphors run our life, but we also reveal our minds and metaphors which runs it, in our day-to-day communication with others.  Metaphors, liberates us and imprison our mind at the same time.  After being a pilgrim as a small kid to Sabarimala and then getting enamored by   Ekanath Easwaran’s spiritual classic. “Climbing the blue mountain” and Jack Krakauer’s.  “Into Thin Air”, Mountains were etched in my mind as Metaphors of summit.  Spiritual or any human endeavor.

      All of it changed in a moment.

      Almost 12 years back, one fine day, I landed  on Lekhwair airport and  on to the edge of  the vastness of Empty Quarter .   (Rub’ al Kahil in Arabic) , a sand desert of some 650,000 square kilometer. That desert covered a huge part of Saudi Arabia, UAE, Yemen and Oman.  Just to reemphasize the vastness of the place of nowhere to now, 1000km long and 500 km wide.  It has sand dunes of reddish orange in color, with up to 250 m high.

      We, Gabriel Benet, Said, Rukmuddin Kahan, and I were part of a team working on a transformation project for PDO, Oman. My role was as a change and transformation consultant. Rukmuddin was our system architect, Said, who belonged to Syria,, having worked as Petroleum engineer for some 3 decades was our  SME and. Gab, a die-hard Barcelona and football fan, our Project Manager. Fieldwork for that project took us to almost all oil fields of PDO. And we landed  on Lekhwair PDO airport too.  Lekhwair camp is quite far from that airport. The driver of the Landcruiser jeep, who took us to the PDO camp was a native of Kerala. And we bonded quite well.  He was a long-time employee at PDO.  In fact, his home in Kerala was not far away from the place I belonged to.  And he told us that he will drive us to the desert.  He said it is worth watching, especially on a full moon day.

       And on that day, he drove us quite near to the point were. Saudi Arabia, UAE and Oman borders meet. We were busy debating on some nonissue as usual.   As the lights of the camp were far behind, we were almost amid the vastness.  And the jeep came to a halt.  Suddenly we all became silent as we stepped out into the desert. The reddish orange color of the sand glistened under the full moon light. And it was one of those moments, universe came to a standstill for me.  Truly a be blessed moment. The light and shade artwork by the moon light, on the sides of sand dunes, the mixed colors on the horizon, clear sky of shimmering shy stars and a brazen full watt Moon.  It was just magical. All of us just got dissolved into it.

      Photo courtesy : Freepik

      That moment triggered my love of the desert. And books of Thesiger, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Steve Donahue etc. took over my bookshelf.  (Arabian sands, Shifting Sands, wind, sand and stars are all classic must read.).  Till then the only book on Arabia I had read was. The Arabian nights.  But then that book was about. Aladdin, Sindbad and others than about the sand and its beauty.  Benyamin and The Goat days came much later.

      The wonderful book. Shifting Sands - A guidebook for crossing the deserts of change, rewrote all my previously held textbook concepts about org transformation and change.  All those theories were cast in stone, cookie cutter solutions.  That book, reoriented my focus on the uniqueness of a context and people in it. From then on,  It became more about transformation of people in a particular context and much less about what we mandate as change.  Ever since, that compass, hold good for me from personal change (self, children, dear and near ) , to Coachee,  to  organizations to eco system.

      A long time back, as a member of an ad hoc committee of a residential apartment complex, I remember sharing with other teammates (who were all super achievers in their respective fields) this principle.  Every org and group of people differ. Army, Corporation and commercial entity, a club, a cricket team.  When we carry our baggage of success in one scenario to another, without making necessary changes in our mindset, our effectiveness as change catalysts gets impacted drastically.

       All these thoughts and memories rushed through my mind, as I was looking at the screen with the picture of the Mountain.   There were three labels on that mountain. Now, next year and later.  And our President (ICF Bangalore Chapter) was talking about our organizations plan for next year.

      How do I work with my own teenage sons (Manu and Rishi are different in their mindset, temperament and the way they look at the world)  or my colleagues at work  or my Coachee ( paid, probono and low-bono) ?? What about Bodhi Sangha members??

      Do I really practice what I learned. Or. In the madness to catch with time, I assume. “what is good for the goose is good for the gander as well?” !

      Today early morning, I was searching for my old notes on that book. And here it is  the summary of summary.

      The title of the note was / is : “ How do you navigate in the shifting sands of desert of change ?”.   The note was 10 years old.  Dated   7 Jan 2014.  10 years down the lane of life, I see, the rate of change of change has increased exponentially.

      While we are busy planning for the yesterday, tomorrow is already knocking on our door. Still, be still for a moment or two.  Dont rush in.   But then the solution to it is not skydive right into it, with our cookie cutter solutions. Remember the proverb , "Fools rush in, where angels fear to tread.".  Festina Lente: Make haste very slowly, should be our unchanging motto as change catalysts. There was a famous quote from Einstein, “ If I have one hour to solve a problem, I will spend 50 minutes trying to understand the problem “ . That holds good in our missions of change as well. Whether we are working with a Coachee, a family, a project, an org or ourselves. Work on learning about the Context and the lives in it.

      Btw summary of that note . pfb 

      Metaphors – Symbols of effort, achievement, journey, win, lose and even life – offers lessons such as... 

      • It is important to be aware of the Terrain.
      • What works on Mt. Everest is useless in the Sahara.

                        On the desert's scorching and shifting sands, wearing stiff alpine boots or          plotting a start-to- finish route spells trouble.

      • Follow a compass, not a map.

      In the desert, a map is worthless. A compass, however, functions without     fail. In the deserts of life, you must learn to follow your own compass-an innermost sense of purpose and direction.

      • Lower your gaze.         In the desert, looking ahead to the horizon is defeating.

                        It never gets any closer.

      • Stop pushing.
        In the Sahara, it's pointless to push a car that's stuck in the sand. Instead, you deflate the tires, which lifts the vehicle up and out of the sand. In the deserts of life, it's pointless to keep pushing when you're in a rut or stalemate. Instead, deflate your own ego or stubbornness.
      • Know when to duck.
        In the Sahara, it's okay to duck. If your camel walks under a low-hanging branch, why not dodge the blow? In the deserts of life, it's okay to avoid a hit you're not ready for.

       Acknowledgement: Sincere thanks to  Sir Wilfred Thesiger ( Mubarak- Bin- London),  Steve Donahue, Sir Edmond Hilary and Jon Krakauer for their wonderful ideas.   Books:  Arabian Sands and Into Thin Air

      Now  what is your context of change :  Is it still a mountain, desert, river, a canyon. Or an a urban apartment complex  Or is it an AI startup ??   Please dont rush in with our plan and solution.  Pause for a moment. 

      Happiness and (un)Happiness.

      by | Aug 4, 2024 | Compassion, Empathy, Grief, Joy

      List 30 things that make you happy.

       

       

      Happiness make me happy .  Not things. 

       Firstly things dont make me happy or sad.

      Though i do enjoy "things", even if i dont get them, does not affect me much. For example, a good hot cup of south indian filter coffee. I do relish when i get.. There are days when i dont. That does not hit the Joy /Sorrow Quotient in my heart even a bit.

       Moments in life, experiences , thoughts and feelings do.  Happiness of everyone around me and myself. That everyone include all the sentient beings I come in touch either directly or indirectly. Last month I mourned the death of Jackie Mu, our Zendog at Little flower zendo. Though we used to meet just for a week every month I used to go there, there was some spiritual connect . Then I felt joy when I recollect the long walks we used to have together.

      It is also important to note that, sadness , suffering and tragedies of make me sad . Then one realize they are sides of a same coin what we call as Life . One view is that there may not be much need of any happiness and joy if there was no sorrow and sadness in our world . The question that school of thought raises is "What is the need of happiness / joy in a world where there is no sorrow or sadness.". But then Joy is not just the absence of sorrow. When we have toothache and suffer the pain, our happy state will be the absence of it. But during normal times, we dont get overjoyed just because we dont have a toothache.

      Last week there was this great tragedy at Wynad . One news report said , the rescue workers had to identify a small girl with the henna design on her leg . They could just get a few pieces of her mortal remains. And that hit me quite hard. I was quite sad . Then today early morning , I woke up early to drive to Lalbagh for a morning walk with Thara. We had a long walk . And I suddenly thought that girl may have bloomed again as that yellow bell flower. Or that koel who was singing sitting on that yellow bell flower tree. Don’t know for sure . Surely, we dont have anyway of knowing it for sure. Even that thought might have arisen in me as my mind was trying to comfort me. Even that thought brought a smile in my heart and face .

      So it is not 30 things . If things indeed would have made happy, Ambanis and Adanis of this world , would have been the most happiest of people. The way they  try to be happy, by showering really expensive gifts to  their acquaintances and try to make them happy through things, does point out that.  The millions of moments in our life. They bring in happiness to a large extent and to some times (un) happiness.

      But true joy (which is not even part of happiness((un)happiness scale) occurs to us, when we are in really in union with the universe. When we get totally lost  in a lovely sunset, beauty of a  flower petal,  and wonderful design of a leaf,  when a  dog recognizes from a distance even after a long break,  then true joy occurs.  And it occurs when. I am not in the picture of my mind. But the moment we realize it , it is gone.  Experiences  objectify them. And especially when we try to count it through value judgement, those things gets commodified.  When things dont make you happy, there is even lesser chance commodities will  do.  The moment we realize that, true joy comes back. 

       

       

       

       

       

      Jackie Mu…. the Zendog pal. :(

      Jackie Mu…. the Zendog pal. :(

      by | Jul 14, 2024 | Compassion, Empathy, Gratitude, Grief, Zen

      The first dog in my life was fictional hero of Jack London’s “The Call of the Wild”. Buck was his name. In that wonderful story, Jack Thornton, saves Buck from being beaten to death and becomes his friend and master. I had read the translated version of the book umpteen times.  That book came along with a few other good books, as a gift from winning a quiz competition conducted by. Kerala Sastra Sahitya Parishad.  . And the picture of Buck, half St. Bernard and half sheep dog was etched in my memory as carved in stone.  Thanks to Jack London who was great storyteller.  Much later, in 2020, a Hollywood movie was released with. Harrison Ford as Jack. Thornton.  The movie was quite good. Still the novel was greater. Maybe I would have read it too many times during a very impressionable age of young mind.

      During my childhood days in Thenkara, we (Sasi, Sandhya and myself) had adopted an Indian mongrel and named him Jackie.  HE was a wonderful dog with a great temperament.   I can still recall the majestic way that dog used to rest on one of pillars of our gate and just gazing at the road.  Once that dog was passed away, there wasn’t any other dog in our life. When I got married to Thara, they had a photo album with full of pictures of their pet dogs.  And later though Rishi and. Manu wanted to bring in a pet, Thara vetoed it saying, confining a dog to an apartment is like putting them in a prison. Also, in her considered view, the tiled floor does not suit dogs.

      Since Jan 2023, i started going to Little Flower Zendo regularly, every month. In Little flower Zendo, there was a half-tamed street dog.  Maybe she was a cross from one of the estate guard dogs, she had a majestic look and behaved like a hound.  She was adopted by a long-time resident of Zendo from Delhi, Tithy. Tithy is a great dog lover, and she took care of Jackie Mu very royally and most lovingly and compassionately. Like Joy Adamson taking care of the Lioness Elsa.   Dog food and snacks, to bed and blanket and regular Vet visits, Regular baths and even a medicine kit. As we used to go to Zendo room for our early morning Zazen, it was quite a sight, when the Doggie used to walk around with blanket on. She used to look for people , to help her with taking off the blanket.

       

      The dog had many names Jackie, Laddo etc.  And we added the surname Mu to her name, when we ordered a name plate for her.  Mu is the most important Zen Koan.

      That was the first Koan  in the collection of Koan book named. “The Gateless Gate”. Though the “Sound of one hand clapping” seems to be more popular, and most quoted in articles about Zen and Koan.  In my view, Mu is the most important.  It goes like this. The 8th century Chinese Zen Master, whose Japanese name is Jôshû, is asked by a monk whether or not a dog has the Buddha nature. He replies with one syllable, one ideograph, Mu (無) which can mean “nothing.””A monk asked Jôshû in all earnestness, ‘Does a dog have Buddha nature or not?’ Jôshû said, ‘Mu!’.  Without a doubt, Jackie Mu  had it. Buddha nature. .

      Without a doubt she was one of the wisest and smartest canines I knew.  Better than Jack London’s Buck. Out of the 15 odd rooms in Zendo, she knew which door to knock at for food. Whom to be friendly with and who should be kept away.

      And Jackie Mu was my morning walk guide.

      Her eager head will pop up in the verandah ,  the moment Zendo bells rings for the Zazen end. And at 730 am sharp, the moment our breakfast used to finish, she used to be ready for her  morning walk. The stretching was her order for us to be ready for the walk.

      knew the way from. Little Flower Zendo to Bodhi zendo, a good 3.5 km through the main ghatt road and estate roads and used to lead me. She used to run quite ahead. And then wait at a curve or turning, looking back for me to catch up with her.  And the on the way back, we used to stop at the roadside tea stall Surya just opposite to the St. Thomas Church, For r my tea and biscuits for her.

       

      After Tithy went back to Delhi, for quite a few days  Jackie Mu acted as if she is lost her way in this world.  Never even cookies and sacks used to appeal so much.  There was quite a bit of pressure from others to keep the dog out of the Zendo.  According to them, she became a bit more aggressive. May be the doggie started feeling less cared.    And Fr. AMA told me as I come only for a week in a month, there is no one else  who can take care of her. And at 89, he is too old.   Still, whenever I used to land at the Zendo, after every 3 weeks, her overjoyed reception said it all. During my short stay, she used to shift her place at the zendo, whichever floor and room wherever I used to stay.  And she kind started to follow me wherever I go. And Fr. Ama did see quite a few times our morning walk routine, he chose not to mention about it to me again.

      Some time back, at 9 : 37 pm, as I was penning my daily 3 blessings in my note book  before I hit the bed,  got this WhatsApp message.  “Vishy, I was just informed that Jackie Mu passed away yesterday. I am so sorry. I don’t have more details.” And when I called up Zendo, they told me, she came to Zendo today afternoon, there was blood oozing out from her nose. She lied down in her favourite place just outside the meditation hall near that  Buddha Statue and peacefully breathed her last.

      I kind of felt a pang in my heart.  Last time I felt that way was when my ex-Boss SMR had passed away.   As if some part deep within you dies down.  And I just wrote this note as a tribute to one of the pals I had in my life.  Who taught me the answer to the Koan “Mu”  from. The Gateless Gate.  As i understand,  Mahayana Buddhism does not believe in a nonchanging, soul per se.  And I am sure, Jackie Mu would have left it behind at the Zendo for us, even if she had one.

      On. 20 July next Saturday morning, when i will be getting down the steep numberless steps to Zendo, i will miss the overjoyed welcome party of wet nose  and  holy presence of unconditional love from Buddha Nature. 🙁

       

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